Empowered

Tonight, I feel empowered. There come moments in time when you have to do what is right for yourself- when you have to listen to the voice that tells you things are wrong, that you deserve better, that you are worth more. These moments can be big and significant or small but still significant. Even when it hurts, you have to stand up for yourself- because when the pain eases and you know you've done the right thing- it is empowering. Sometimes it takes me a little time to do what is right for myself- I'm still working on that and I know I've made a few mistakes, but I am better now than I ever was before and I know that I can be better still.

Project Smile has empowered me- it has made me a stronger and more confident woman every year. I've always been strong and confident, I don't think that I could have started Project Smile full time without that, but as the years have gone by and we have grown- I have been empowered. Every day, I have to go out and fight for what I know Project Smile deserves- and although it is a far cry from a physical fight- running a non profit- particularly fundraising- and especially fundraising on your own is a demanding, tough, highly competitive job that is filled with hard knocks and can be downright brutal at times. It requires determination, patience, a tremendous amount of energy and passion and a wonderful ability to ignore the constant rejection. It's a job that when you do well at it- the satisfaction is beyond description and with that satisfaction, with the knowledge of how hard we have worked to get where we are today, comes a tremendous amount of empowerment.

It is so important to listen to the words that people say and the actions they take and it is also important to listen to the words that aren't said and the actions that are not taken. It is easy to want to reinterpret what others say or do in order to fulfill our personal desire for a particular outcome.

Well, I am tired- my eyes are hurting and I need to sleep. There is a lot more that happened today, but I'm starting to forget. So until tomorrow friends..

Comfort

I was working on auction items today and it is actually going pretty well. I got through to a number of people and got some commitments for items and was actually getting phone calls back. I've been contacting some new places and also working from last year's list, but I still need to find a lot more new auction donors. I don't want people to come to our event and see all the same items from last year- that would not be good. They were great items and did well, so I will getting a lot of the same items, but we need to keep the event fresh as well. I will not be getting any gym memberships though- none of them sold last year at either event which was really surprising.

It is wonderful how work can be such a comfort sometimes. I was feeling disappointed and sad about something personal today, but I did OK because I just focused on my list of things that needed to be done and plugged along. I think I moved a little slower than I probably should have and didn't get a lot of things done, but there was still progress. I've always found a comfort in Project Smile- even though it is a rollercoaster of a job filled with great highs and lows, there is also a certain level of consistency and a great sense of familiarity. I've always felt that as long as I work hard, I will get results- that's the way it has been for 5 years. I know that when I wake up every day, Project Smile will always be there. Although I'm still feeling down about that certain issue, working helped ease the sad feelings.

Anyways, I'm getting a headache so I should get to bed. I feel like having some strawberries and yogurt, but it is 12:20 and I should probably go to bed. Tomorrow, I need to start work on finding financial sponsors for our events- particularly the date auction. The event is only 6 months away- it may sound like a long time, but it isn't actually that long. I also need to work on getting calendar sponsors. I have lots of other things that need attention as well, but can't remember them just now. Well, that's it for tonight- until tomorrow friends...

Improving

Well, today was an improvement. I still got a late start and didn't exercise because of it (just finished exercising a few minutes ago to make up for it), but I was determined to get as many things done today as possible and it was an OK day. I picked up the gift basket from the brewery- it is very cool. It is similar to their donation last year but even better. That was our first official silent auction item for our anniversary celebration. I also received 2 ski lift passes as well today. I contacted some businesses this afternoon and was researching new places to contact as well. Did you know that there is a womens pro basketball team in CT? I had no idea.

I was at DWC networking tonight which went well. I want to find other networking groups to join as well- I think it would be good to join some that meet in Boston so that I can expand my connections there.

I wish I didn't need to go to Braintree tomorrow- I have an incredible amount of work to do and really can't afford the time away from the office. But since I don't have a clone nor a personal assistant (which is much more attainable), I have to go. At least the driving time is good thinking time for me. I was thinking about the date auction when I was on my road trip this afternoon- I was coming up with a list of potential sponsors, thinking about things to possibly do differently and new businesses to contact for gift certificates. When I was driving home, looking at the gift basket on the seat next to me, I decided that I was going to stop worrying about how the economy is affecting us and simply plow along as if everything was fine. Obviously, I know that the economy is miserable, but fundraising requires a tremendous amount of personal energy and a deep rooted sense of optimism that lets you deal with the constant rejection and fight for each donation. In the back of my mind, if I keep thinking that the economy sucks and no one is going to help us- that attitude is going to lead to a disaster. So- the nagging fear is getting put away and I'm focusing on the many things that need done in order to build on last year's success and keep us moving forward.

Well, it is 12:04 and I'm going to eat my grapefruit- my grapefruit skipping yesterday because I was trying to get to bed earlier didn't help this morning, so I'm not skipping it again. I am making a serious effort to get to bed earlier, so I can wake up at a decent hour without feeling like a bear that desperately needs to hibernate. Anyways, enough on my morning issues- until tomorrow friends...

Struggles

Well, today did not fall into the addictively good category. In fact, today was rather lousy. I'm having trouble adjusting to the hour change and woke up late this morning. I was worried about it being so late and I was feeling tired, so I didn't exercise which just made me feel worse. I didn't get through to many people and I was writing checks, including one for a bill that I hadn't expected at all, so I was getting into that bleeding money feeling again- which is somewhat of an overreaction since I'm holding a check for $5k. Things picked up a bit in the middle of the afternoon and I had a bit of a rythmn going and got some items on my list accomplished, but the majority of the day felt like it was lost. I found out today that Iridesse, the pearl store owned by Tiffany's is closing in a couple of months. They donated a beautiful necklace for our silent auction last year. It is sad to hear that they are closing and the people that will lose their jobs and it was also disappointing since I obviously won't be receiving a donation from a store that doesn't exist anymore.

I hate feeling like this- frustrated, tense and annoyed at my lack of accomplishment today. Negative energy is useless. There was one good thing today- we were contacted last week by a wine distribution company that works with charities to sell wines with their own label- so we would have Project Smile wine. There are no upfront costs for us, so that is good and we aren't stuck with cases of wine to sell. I think it could work out well. I spoke with the rep today- she was helpful, so I'm def. going to look into it further.

I think it is probably best to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow morning. I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed about all the things that I need to get done and I'm also really worried about who we are going to get to sponsor our date auction, anniv. event and calendar. I know that worrying isn't a solution, I need to take action and just start contacting everyone, but I am very concerned about what is going to happen. I wish I had an assistant- tomorrow, I have to pick up an auction item almost an hour away. It's not that big a deal and it is a cool item, so I'm not complaining, but it will be almost 2 hours out of the office and I have so much to do. Wednesday will be the same because I need to drop off the unsold Chara photo, return the auction stands and leave a check with the sports dealer we work with- so that is more time out of the office.

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer tonight- I know I was so happy last night. It is midnite now, so I think I'll skip the grapefruit, switch everything off, write my fresh list and get back into the right time zone tomorrow morning. I need to go back into my baby steps routine and stop thinking about the big picture and concentrate on all the little things that need done in order to get the big picture painted. That has always been my strategy and it has never failed to work. It is OK to have lousy days like this- the important thing is to write it off tonite and do better tomorrow. So until tomorrow friends...

Lucky

When things are good, they are so good it is addictive. Right now, we're in posession of a $5000 check from the Worcester Sharks from their autographed jersey auction! The check presentation was held last night immediately before the game during an on-ice presentation. I didn't think we would be getting that much money and I didn't want to ask, so of course it was an awesome surprise. I got to go "backstage" again at the DCU Center before the presentation. It is always fun to get to go behind the scenes at venues like that. While we were waiting, I got to see the hockey players up close as they lined up to take the ice. They had a red carpet on the ice (thankfully, since I was wearing high heeled boots!), we were escorted onto the ice immediately after the national anthem was sung. Moments like that are kind of a blur because they are somewhat surreal. I remember standing there holding the big check along with Diane and a fellow from Bay State Savings and Mike from the Sharks. I could hear our names and titles being announced and I remember looking up at the jumbotrone and saw us all on the screen and I thought how funny I looked. I looked at the cameraman and the photographer and out at the people in audience and I felt nervous and happy and in disbelief at the same time. Nervous, because I was afraid that I would drop the check or do something dumb or that my nose would start running again and I would look utterly gross. Happy- because I was holding a check for $5k for my organization I love and I was standing on the ice at the DCU Center and disbelief because I felt so lucky that I couldn't quite believe that I was really standing there and holding this check. Sometimes, when good things happen like this it doesn't seem real to me. I have to stop, take a breath and really look around- believe that it is actually happening. When things are good like this, it is one of the absolutely best feelings in the world. The highs with this job are breathtaking and utterly addictive. It makes me work my hardest to build Project Smile.

Sometimes, I get to do really cool things and last night was one of those times. I got to stay for the game- we were given really cool second row seats again. As I watched the game, I couldn't help but think about how far we've come in these past years- and how much further we will go. I thought of the first time I went to the DCU Center- it was to a Worcester Ice Cats game about 6 or 7 years ago- they played there before the Sharks. If someone had told me then that someday I would be standing on that ice holding a check, I would have laughed. Even 5 years ago, when I was about to start working on PS full time, if someone had told me where I would be in 2009- told me about all the great things that would happen, about date auctions at Gypsy, an event at the Hard Rock, sending stuffies across the country, standing out on Center Court at a Celtics game- all the awesome other things that have happened, I wouldn't have believed. It's not about having a lack of ambition- I've had big dreams forever, but I have never lost that sense of disbelief when good things actually happen. I always feel lucky. It doesn't matter that I know I've worked very hard to achieve and that I know Project Smile deserves the support, I feel lucky when things go right. I know there are plenty of people that work hard but don't achieve their dreams or they work hard and never receive any recognition, that people suffer bad breaks in life and have bad things happen that are far beyond their control. I'm also aware that there are many deserving charities that exist and the competition for financial support is fierce, so when Project Smile is selected, I feel lucky.

Anyways, I think that is it for tonight. It is exciting to think about what will come in the next 5 years. I can only imagine all the good things that may lie in store. Of course, I know that there will be hard times, mistakes to be made, problems to overcome, frustrations to deal with, tears to be shed- I deal with all that already and there is a chance that it could all implode, but I prefer to take each day with the eternal optimism that I get from my mom- and to believe that we can make each day better than yesterday and tomorrow even better than today and that with hard work and firm belief in yourself, all the good things really can happen.

On that cheery note, I am off to write my extensive list for tomorrow and eat my grapefruit. I have a grant application to finish- it is a simple one thankfully, auction items to work on and date auction financial sponsors to search for as well as more grant research and usual program work. I also need to start work on calendar sponsors. I can't imagine it is going to snow- it was so warm and beautiful today. I'm supposed to pick up the growler kit tomorrow, but with snow, that will not be happening. I'm having trouble with this hour change, it is midnite, but I feel totally awake and full of energy- I don't know how I'll be able to get to sleep at anywhere near a decent hour. I am so happy tonight- it is such a relief to have this donation, you can't even imagine. Until tomorrow friends..

Wednesday News

Well, I'm not doing very well on blogging every night recently- sorry about that. So what's new? I finally finished the grant that I've been working on. My priority for today was to finish it, so I'm glad that I got it done. I haven't printed it all out yet, I'm still at the review point. I usually spend a lot of time reviewing the grant- making sure that everything is as good as it possibly can be, that I haven't left anything out, etc. It gets a little nervewracking because there is a lot riding on each grant and it has to be as good as it possibly can. This grant has been a struggle, partly because I hadn't worked on grants in a couple of months, but also because the grant had a 2 page limit and it was really hard to fit all the info onto 2 pages. It required a lot of editing. I'm usually really good about being concise, but this was hard. I don't know how strict they are about the 2 page limit, it might have been fine if it went a paragraph or two onto a 3rd page, but that is a chance that I don't want to take. The page limit is there for a reason and it is probably best to follow it. I was worried about our grant being discarded without even a review if it went onto a 3rd page.

Anyways, enough on that topic. There isn't a lot of new things to report. I wasn't feeling well on Monday and didn't get very much accomplished. Yesterday, I was working on a bunch of things, but didn't have any results. Most of today was working on the grant. A friend of mine who recently lost her job came to help out today. It was great having her here. She worked on merging some auction item lists so that our 2009 auction list is all updated and ready for more action.

I have so much work to do it isn't even funny. I already started working on the anniversary event auction items, but that needs a lot more time. I also have to work on date auction gift certificates and I need to start with the big issue- financial sponsors for both events. I have a really nice date auction sponsorship package that is ready to be sent out. I wrote it, then I called the woman who owns a PR company nearby. We spoke last month and she offered to help review things for me, so I sent it to her last week and she made some helpful changes. It was really nice of her to make the effort to help. I don't have anyone with that experience to help me. It is kind of funny because when I first spoke with her, we got off to a bit of a wrong start. I interpreted what she said as being negative and I wrote about it in my blog. She read the blog and left a comment. I called her the next day and had a really good conversation. She was very supportive of our work and I really enjoyed speaking with her. She offered to help review event material for me when I needed it. It really helps to have someone with expertise in that field to review our material.

Well, I am going to go eat grapefruit. I ran out of grapefruit for a few days, so I couldn't get my nightly fix. I have a bit of a cold, so I really need my grapefruit tonight! I'm kind of craving cheese and stuffed grapeleaves as well, but that definitely doesn't go with grapefruit. Anyways, I'm starting on a food tanget, so I should stop and eat, write my list, finish my grant review and go to bed- ah, such an exciting plan! Until tomorrow friends..

Updates

Blogging on a Sunday night- I don't think I've done that in a while. So what's new? Well, I'm battling an earache and feeling kind of crummy, so I'm trying to disrtact myself by blogging. On Friday, I started working on getting auction items for our Anniversary Celebration. I have to work on the date auction too, but didn't get to it on Friday. I'd actually been really nervous about working on getting auction items, I was afraid that I would only get rejections because of the economic situation. I was pleasantly surprised when I ended the day with commitments from two businesses for donations. It really helps to start on a good note. It's funny, but working on obtaining auction items actually gets addictive. There is a certain thrill to the constant hunt and there is a high that comes when you score an item. Of course, it isn't always fun- there's a lot of rejection, a lot of constant follow up, particularly with people that promise items then don't deliver, but the hunt gets addictive. Sometimes, I'll start working on getting auction items and I'll only plan to do it for an hour, but three hours later I'm stil working on it.

There is so much else that I have to write about- there is a lot going on, but I'm not feeling so good and I'm stressing about something else, which is probably making me feel worse. Anyways, until tomorrow friends- when I will hopefully be back to full energy, forgotten about all the stupid things that are stressing me out and doing some absolutely phenomenal fundraising, grant work and everything else. Good night!