Being Better

I was thinking tonight when I was driving home from tango about being better. I've been taking Argentine Tango classes every Monday night since January- the new series just started tonight. Now, I know I can be a better dancer. In my mind I visualize how I can dance better, but that isn't necessarily translating into moving better on the dance floor. However, when I think of how I was in January- there is serious improvement. I want to be a better dancer and I want to be better with my work. I consider myself good at what I do- I wouldn't have been able to keep Project Smile going full time for 5 years if I wasn't good at it. As the months and years go by, I have gotten better- I have learned more, listened more, had more experiences, made more connections, etc. But I know that I can be so much better- much of what I do now for work I could probably do better.

I think that if you asked people who are considered the top of their professions- businessmen, artists, dancers, actors, athletes, etc.- if they considered themeselves the best they could be, they would probably say no. There is a danger in ever thinking that you are the best you can be. We can always keep learning, keep practicing, keep improving.

It can also get overwhelming when you think about how much better you need to be- how many things there are to improve upon. So I go back to my baby steps- I don't need to go out tomorrow and be the world's best fundraiser. Do I wish that could happen? Of course- but it is an unrealistic expectation. However, it is realistic to decide that tomorrow, I will be a better fundraiser than I was today. Maybe all that means is that I will contact one extra person than usual- how small a step it is doesn't matter. The important aspect is improvement. Eventually, when you string along all these days of small improvements they are going to add up to some drastic changes. Is everyday going to be an improvement from yesterday? Of course not. Mistakes happen, things get in the way and I have days where I get little done, but the goal will always be the same- to be better today than I was yesterday and be better tomorrow than I am today. That is my favorite saying- I rarely discuss it, but I think about it all the time.

Well, I need to get going. I was going to go back and work- I have a lot of things that I wanted to get done tonight, but instead I'm going to go to bed super early so I can have time tomorrow to exercise before I have to get everything ready for our department donation tomorrow. It is only 11:50- I can't believe I'm going to go to bed this early! Until tomorrow friends...

Thursday News

So what's new? Well, today was not as productive as yesterday. I lost track of things today and didn't get to everything that I wanted. I went to pick up a gift certificate at a really nice restaurant in Natick which was great- but it was over an hour out of the office and that got me behind on stuff. It was a restaurant that donated last year- I spoke with one of the owners last week and they agreed to donate again. As I was driving there today, I had a feeling that they would donate a smaller amount than last year and I was trying to come up with a plan of what- if anything- I should say. Of course, I'm grateful for every donation that we get, regardless of the amount, but it is the most beneficial when people can at least match what they donated last year, if not exceed.

Anyways, I arrived and the owner came out with a gift card that was half the value of last year's donation. I thanked him, shook his hand and my mind was whirling- trying to decide if I should ask about increasing the donation. It is an awkward situation because I don't want to appear ungrateful and I know that times are tough for many businesses, but that said- we need the help. I only had a second to decide whether or not to ask, because as soon as I walk out the door- that oppportunity is gone forever. I decided to ask. I thanked him and said that last year they were able to donate a $x gift card which was really helpful, would it be possible to match last year's donation? He was very nice and gave me a new gift card which matches last year's donation. I was so glad that I asked. In the grand scale of things, it is a small moment- we aren't talking about hundreds or thousands of dollars here. But for me, the moment is huge. A year ago, I never would have asked- probably 6 months ago I wouldn't have asked either. But now, I will ask. I don't know what caused the change- I do know that I gain more confidence as I get more experience and with that confidence comes the ability to ask for what you need.

Anyways, I think that's it for tonight. I'm forgetting other things that I wanted to write about and I'm still trying to get to bed earlier. It didn't work last night and I felt it this morning. So until next time friends..

Progress

Today was a good day. Really good news first- we have a new financial sponsor on board for the date auction! I am very happy and relieved that things are moving along in that department. It isn't the company that I had mentioned in my other blog, but it was one of the ones that I had contacted recently. Our event is a great fit for them and I think they will be really happy with their sponsorship.

I have been so worried about our fundraising for the year- very nervous about finding sponsors and auction items. So it is great we have tangible progress- baby steps moving in the right direction. Of course, we have a long way to go, but I'm glad that we're getting results so far.

I was reaching out to police departments today- both following up on departments we already worki with and contacting new departments. I have a donation scheduled for next week with one new department and want to get more scheduled for the same day in that area. I try to do a group of departments at the same time to cut down on driving. I have a lot more departments on my list for tomorrow.

Things went well today partly because I stuck to my schedule- I didn't get carried away in spending many hours working on one thing at the expense of all the other things that need to get done- that happens very often. Instead, I split my time among program work, other office work and fundraising and I made progress in all three areas.

Well, I think that's it for tonight. I went to bed a bit earlier today and it did help with motivation this morning. My goal now is bed by 12:30. It is already 12:20- so if I'm sticking with that goal, I'd better hightail it outta here- until tomorrow...

Sponsor Search

Today I was focused on finding date auction sponsors. There isn't much news to report yet, but it does take time to get commitments. I did hear back from one potential sponsor very promptly this afternoon- they were asking for more information. Our date auction is an absolutely perfect event for them. Of course, our event is a good fit for all the potential sponsors that I approach, but this would be perfect. It is a national company that will be expanding into the Boston market shortly. I was searching online for companies that are launching new products or expanding in Boston and found a news article about their expansion. Our event is so good that if I was a marketing director for a company whose target audience is young professionals in the Boston area, I would absolutely jump at this opportunity. Not only is it a fun, hip event that is attended by over 350 young professionals it also supports an important cause with an unique service. There are a number of charities that help children, but there are no charities that do what we do. The event has a track record of success- is marketed in pretty much every publication and website of significance in Boston and the sponsorship rates are incredibly reasonable. I say this is a pretty golden sponsorship opportunity.

Finding sponsors for our events is nerve wracking but it is also exciting at the same time. It becomes addictive as well because you are constantly searching for the next business or organization that could be a potential sponsor- there is a certain thrill that comes with the hunt. I have a dollar figure that we need to reach to cover our event expenses, but even when that figure is reached, I will still keep going. Part of what makes it exciting is that our event is so great and is such a good fit for the marketing needs of lots of different companies. There is a lot of pressure as well because the sponsorship dollars are extremely important.

I was thinking this morning about all the different jobs that I do with Project Smile- marketing, public relations, grantwriter, program director, event planner. Each of those are full time jobs in themselves. It can't go on like this forever- in order to grow the way we need to, we need staff, but in order to hire staff we need more money. It is a tough position to be in, but I can't do anything about that right now. I do want to find some more volunteers who are able to help. I want to reach out to people who have been laid off and would like to spend some time volunteering and learning new skills. There have been quite a few news articles recently about people who lost their jobs and have started volunteering and also people who are choosing to change career paths and work for non profits.

What else is new? Probably other things, but I can't remember right now. There were a lot of things that I didn't get done today- I got a bit of a late start, but I did make time to exercise which really made all the difference this morning. I wasn't going to exercise at first, but I had made a commitment to myself last night that I would stay on track with exercising this week and I needed to fufill that this morning. After about 10 minutes, I could feel the change in myself and was so glad that I was cardio blasting.

Well, I am off to bed. I have about a million things to work on tomorrow and need to get to bed early. It is 12:18, if I can get to bed by 12:30- that is an early night. Until tomorrow friends..

Progress

Well, things are moving along well with the silent auction items for our anniversary celebration. We received our first really cool item- 2 tickets to a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I called the show today and left a message with the audience coordinator- he returned my call a brief time later and very nicely emailed over the tickets. I was really happy. I tried for two years to get tickets to the Conan O'Brien show without any luck, so this was a welcome change. I also spoke with another television show which looks like it will be able to donate an experience package. I'm pretty happy about the way things are going so far. It really makes all the difference when you speak with people who are pleasant and supportive- I've been lucky to speak to quite a few of them lately.

I rewrote the press release for the Sharks donation and emailed it over to 4 local papers. I still struggle with press releases and often feel that I don't write them as well as they could be- but then when I read them in the paper, I think they read well, so maybe I'm just too critical in the writing part.

Things are moving along well with the date auction in terms of recruiting firefighters- it is already starting to get underway. The new flier that Lisa did looks awesome- I really like it. Our web guy should be putting it in our site soon. I need to focus on getting financial sponsors- that is a priority. I have a long way to go in getting enough gift certificates for the date auction couples.

So all said- today was a good day. Any day that has tangible progress is a good day. As usual, there are a lot of things that I didn't get to, but I'll work on that tomorrow. Well, I'm off to write my list- cleaning up my messy office should be on the list, then off to bed. Until next time..

Moving Along

So what's new? Things went pretty well today. I was working on contacting more businesses for auction items and I picked up some local items as well. It's funny, I'm actually getting better items than I did last year from a couple of places. A car repair shop that donated an oil change last year now donated an oil change plus tire rotation which increases the value. There have been other places too that have donated items of greater value. I have received quite a few other commitments for items, so I'm pretty happy with the way things are going.

I've also been working on finding date auction sponsors. I don't have any good news yet, but I have contacted a number of businesses that I think would be a great fit. I do need help in finding other potential financial sponsors. I found 2 networking events that I'm going to be attending soon in Boston, so hopefully I will find some contacts at those events. I wish I had more connections in the Boston area that could help with recommendations for potential sponsors and even better- introductions.

As usual, I have a bunch of things that I didn't get to today. I need to work on the press release for the Sharks donation some more. I already have it written, but I reread it this afternoon and I think it needs to be improved somewhat. The Sharks emailed over the photo from the event- it is a really nice photo- one of the few that I don't look super dorky in. Our web guy put it on our site today- it is great how quickly he gets things done. I also need to finalize the flyer design for the date auction so I can start sending it out and I need to find more grants to work- and start working on calendar sponsors. I'm somewhat nervous about that- especially since banks were one of our biggest supporters and obvioulsy these are not good times for banks.

It is so shocking to hear about the sudden death of Natasha Richardson. It is such a reminder of how fragile life is and how things can come to an end in an instant. I do think of how lucky I am to have my family and wonderful people in my life, but when you hear of things like this it makes you think about it more- appreciate all the good things that we have in life and the time we get to spend with the people we love.

Well, I'm off to write my list- I should clean up my office as well, but it is 12:45 and if I start cleaning, I'll be up for a long time. I'm not in the grapefruit mood tonite- yikes! Until tomorrow friends...

Empowered

Tonight, I feel empowered. There come moments in time when you have to do what is right for yourself- when you have to listen to the voice that tells you things are wrong, that you deserve better, that you are worth more. These moments can be big and significant or small but still significant. Even when it hurts, you have to stand up for yourself- because when the pain eases and you know you've done the right thing- it is empowering. Sometimes it takes me a little time to do what is right for myself- I'm still working on that and I know I've made a few mistakes, but I am better now than I ever was before and I know that I can be better still.

Project Smile has empowered me- it has made me a stronger and more confident woman every year. I've always been strong and confident, I don't think that I could have started Project Smile full time without that, but as the years have gone by and we have grown- I have been empowered. Every day, I have to go out and fight for what I know Project Smile deserves- and although it is a far cry from a physical fight- running a non profit- particularly fundraising- and especially fundraising on your own is a demanding, tough, highly competitive job that is filled with hard knocks and can be downright brutal at times. It requires determination, patience, a tremendous amount of energy and passion and a wonderful ability to ignore the constant rejection. It's a job that when you do well at it- the satisfaction is beyond description and with that satisfaction, with the knowledge of how hard we have worked to get where we are today, comes a tremendous amount of empowerment.

It is so important to listen to the words that people say and the actions they take and it is also important to listen to the words that aren't said and the actions that are not taken. It is easy to want to reinterpret what others say or do in order to fulfill our personal desire for a particular outcome.

Well, I am tired- my eyes are hurting and I need to sleep. There is a lot more that happened today, but I'm starting to forget. So until tomorrow friends..

Comfort

I was working on auction items today and it is actually going pretty well. I got through to a number of people and got some commitments for items and was actually getting phone calls back. I've been contacting some new places and also working from last year's list, but I still need to find a lot more new auction donors. I don't want people to come to our event and see all the same items from last year- that would not be good. They were great items and did well, so I will getting a lot of the same items, but we need to keep the event fresh as well. I will not be getting any gym memberships though- none of them sold last year at either event which was really surprising.

It is wonderful how work can be such a comfort sometimes. I was feeling disappointed and sad about something personal today, but I did OK because I just focused on my list of things that needed to be done and plugged along. I think I moved a little slower than I probably should have and didn't get a lot of things done, but there was still progress. I've always found a comfort in Project Smile- even though it is a rollercoaster of a job filled with great highs and lows, there is also a certain level of consistency and a great sense of familiarity. I've always felt that as long as I work hard, I will get results- that's the way it has been for 5 years. I know that when I wake up every day, Project Smile will always be there. Although I'm still feeling down about that certain issue, working helped ease the sad feelings.

Anyways, I'm getting a headache so I should get to bed. I feel like having some strawberries and yogurt, but it is 12:20 and I should probably go to bed. Tomorrow, I need to start work on finding financial sponsors for our events- particularly the date auction. The event is only 6 months away- it may sound like a long time, but it isn't actually that long. I also need to work on getting calendar sponsors. I have lots of other things that need attention as well, but can't remember them just now. Well, that's it for tonight- until tomorrow friends...

Improving

Well, today was an improvement. I still got a late start and didn't exercise because of it (just finished exercising a few minutes ago to make up for it), but I was determined to get as many things done today as possible and it was an OK day. I picked up the gift basket from the brewery- it is very cool. It is similar to their donation last year but even better. That was our first official silent auction item for our anniversary celebration. I also received 2 ski lift passes as well today. I contacted some businesses this afternoon and was researching new places to contact as well. Did you know that there is a womens pro basketball team in CT? I had no idea.

I was at DWC networking tonight which went well. I want to find other networking groups to join as well- I think it would be good to join some that meet in Boston so that I can expand my connections there.

I wish I didn't need to go to Braintree tomorrow- I have an incredible amount of work to do and really can't afford the time away from the office. But since I don't have a clone nor a personal assistant (which is much more attainable), I have to go. At least the driving time is good thinking time for me. I was thinking about the date auction when I was on my road trip this afternoon- I was coming up with a list of potential sponsors, thinking about things to possibly do differently and new businesses to contact for gift certificates. When I was driving home, looking at the gift basket on the seat next to me, I decided that I was going to stop worrying about how the economy is affecting us and simply plow along as if everything was fine. Obviously, I know that the economy is miserable, but fundraising requires a tremendous amount of personal energy and a deep rooted sense of optimism that lets you deal with the constant rejection and fight for each donation. In the back of my mind, if I keep thinking that the economy sucks and no one is going to help us- that attitude is going to lead to a disaster. So- the nagging fear is getting put away and I'm focusing on the many things that need done in order to build on last year's success and keep us moving forward.

Well, it is 12:04 and I'm going to eat my grapefruit- my grapefruit skipping yesterday because I was trying to get to bed earlier didn't help this morning, so I'm not skipping it again. I am making a serious effort to get to bed earlier, so I can wake up at a decent hour without feeling like a bear that desperately needs to hibernate. Anyways, enough on my morning issues- until tomorrow friends...

Struggles

Well, today did not fall into the addictively good category. In fact, today was rather lousy. I'm having trouble adjusting to the hour change and woke up late this morning. I was worried about it being so late and I was feeling tired, so I didn't exercise which just made me feel worse. I didn't get through to many people and I was writing checks, including one for a bill that I hadn't expected at all, so I was getting into that bleeding money feeling again- which is somewhat of an overreaction since I'm holding a check for $5k. Things picked up a bit in the middle of the afternoon and I had a bit of a rythmn going and got some items on my list accomplished, but the majority of the day felt like it was lost. I found out today that Iridesse, the pearl store owned by Tiffany's is closing in a couple of months. They donated a beautiful necklace for our silent auction last year. It is sad to hear that they are closing and the people that will lose their jobs and it was also disappointing since I obviously won't be receiving a donation from a store that doesn't exist anymore.

I hate feeling like this- frustrated, tense and annoyed at my lack of accomplishment today. Negative energy is useless. There was one good thing today- we were contacted last week by a wine distribution company that works with charities to sell wines with their own label- so we would have Project Smile wine. There are no upfront costs for us, so that is good and we aren't stuck with cases of wine to sell. I think it could work out well. I spoke with the rep today- she was helpful, so I'm def. going to look into it further.

I think it is probably best to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow morning. I'm feeling somewhat overwhelmed about all the things that I need to get done and I'm also really worried about who we are going to get to sponsor our date auction, anniv. event and calendar. I know that worrying isn't a solution, I need to take action and just start contacting everyone, but I am very concerned about what is going to happen. I wish I had an assistant- tomorrow, I have to pick up an auction item almost an hour away. It's not that big a deal and it is a cool item, so I'm not complaining, but it will be almost 2 hours out of the office and I have so much to do. Wednesday will be the same because I need to drop off the unsold Chara photo, return the auction stands and leave a check with the sports dealer we work with- so that is more time out of the office.

I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer tonight- I know I was so happy last night. It is midnite now, so I think I'll skip the grapefruit, switch everything off, write my fresh list and get back into the right time zone tomorrow morning. I need to go back into my baby steps routine and stop thinking about the big picture and concentrate on all the little things that need done in order to get the big picture painted. That has always been my strategy and it has never failed to work. It is OK to have lousy days like this- the important thing is to write it off tonite and do better tomorrow. So until tomorrow friends...

Lucky

When things are good, they are so good it is addictive. Right now, we're in posession of a $5000 check from the Worcester Sharks from their autographed jersey auction! The check presentation was held last night immediately before the game during an on-ice presentation. I didn't think we would be getting that much money and I didn't want to ask, so of course it was an awesome surprise. I got to go "backstage" again at the DCU Center before the presentation. It is always fun to get to go behind the scenes at venues like that. While we were waiting, I got to see the hockey players up close as they lined up to take the ice. They had a red carpet on the ice (thankfully, since I was wearing high heeled boots!), we were escorted onto the ice immediately after the national anthem was sung. Moments like that are kind of a blur because they are somewhat surreal. I remember standing there holding the big check along with Diane and a fellow from Bay State Savings and Mike from the Sharks. I could hear our names and titles being announced and I remember looking up at the jumbotrone and saw us all on the screen and I thought how funny I looked. I looked at the cameraman and the photographer and out at the people in audience and I felt nervous and happy and in disbelief at the same time. Nervous, because I was afraid that I would drop the check or do something dumb or that my nose would start running again and I would look utterly gross. Happy- because I was holding a check for $5k for my organization I love and I was standing on the ice at the DCU Center and disbelief because I felt so lucky that I couldn't quite believe that I was really standing there and holding this check. Sometimes, when good things happen like this it doesn't seem real to me. I have to stop, take a breath and really look around- believe that it is actually happening. When things are good like this, it is one of the absolutely best feelings in the world. The highs with this job are breathtaking and utterly addictive. It makes me work my hardest to build Project Smile.

Sometimes, I get to do really cool things and last night was one of those times. I got to stay for the game- we were given really cool second row seats again. As I watched the game, I couldn't help but think about how far we've come in these past years- and how much further we will go. I thought of the first time I went to the DCU Center- it was to a Worcester Ice Cats game about 6 or 7 years ago- they played there before the Sharks. If someone had told me then that someday I would be standing on that ice holding a check, I would have laughed. Even 5 years ago, when I was about to start working on PS full time, if someone had told me where I would be in 2009- told me about all the great things that would happen, about date auctions at Gypsy, an event at the Hard Rock, sending stuffies across the country, standing out on Center Court at a Celtics game- all the awesome other things that have happened, I wouldn't have believed. It's not about having a lack of ambition- I've had big dreams forever, but I have never lost that sense of disbelief when good things actually happen. I always feel lucky. It doesn't matter that I know I've worked very hard to achieve and that I know Project Smile deserves the support, I feel lucky when things go right. I know there are plenty of people that work hard but don't achieve their dreams or they work hard and never receive any recognition, that people suffer bad breaks in life and have bad things happen that are far beyond their control. I'm also aware that there are many deserving charities that exist and the competition for financial support is fierce, so when Project Smile is selected, I feel lucky.

Anyways, I think that is it for tonight. It is exciting to think about what will come in the next 5 years. I can only imagine all the good things that may lie in store. Of course, I know that there will be hard times, mistakes to be made, problems to overcome, frustrations to deal with, tears to be shed- I deal with all that already and there is a chance that it could all implode, but I prefer to take each day with the eternal optimism that I get from my mom- and to believe that we can make each day better than yesterday and tomorrow even better than today and that with hard work and firm belief in yourself, all the good things really can happen.

On that cheery note, I am off to write my extensive list for tomorrow and eat my grapefruit. I have a grant application to finish- it is a simple one thankfully, auction items to work on and date auction financial sponsors to search for as well as more grant research and usual program work. I also need to start work on calendar sponsors. I can't imagine it is going to snow- it was so warm and beautiful today. I'm supposed to pick up the growler kit tomorrow, but with snow, that will not be happening. I'm having trouble with this hour change, it is midnite, but I feel totally awake and full of energy- I don't know how I'll be able to get to sleep at anywhere near a decent hour. I am so happy tonight- it is such a relief to have this donation, you can't even imagine. Until tomorrow friends..

Wednesday News

Well, I'm not doing very well on blogging every night recently- sorry about that. So what's new? I finally finished the grant that I've been working on. My priority for today was to finish it, so I'm glad that I got it done. I haven't printed it all out yet, I'm still at the review point. I usually spend a lot of time reviewing the grant- making sure that everything is as good as it possibly can be, that I haven't left anything out, etc. It gets a little nervewracking because there is a lot riding on each grant and it has to be as good as it possibly can. This grant has been a struggle, partly because I hadn't worked on grants in a couple of months, but also because the grant had a 2 page limit and it was really hard to fit all the info onto 2 pages. It required a lot of editing. I'm usually really good about being concise, but this was hard. I don't know how strict they are about the 2 page limit, it might have been fine if it went a paragraph or two onto a 3rd page, but that is a chance that I don't want to take. The page limit is there for a reason and it is probably best to follow it. I was worried about our grant being discarded without even a review if it went onto a 3rd page.

Anyways, enough on that topic. There isn't a lot of new things to report. I wasn't feeling well on Monday and didn't get very much accomplished. Yesterday, I was working on a bunch of things, but didn't have any results. Most of today was working on the grant. A friend of mine who recently lost her job came to help out today. It was great having her here. She worked on merging some auction item lists so that our 2009 auction list is all updated and ready for more action.

I have so much work to do it isn't even funny. I already started working on the anniversary event auction items, but that needs a lot more time. I also have to work on date auction gift certificates and I need to start with the big issue- financial sponsors for both events. I have a really nice date auction sponsorship package that is ready to be sent out. I wrote it, then I called the woman who owns a PR company nearby. We spoke last month and she offered to help review things for me, so I sent it to her last week and she made some helpful changes. It was really nice of her to make the effort to help. I don't have anyone with that experience to help me. It is kind of funny because when I first spoke with her, we got off to a bit of a wrong start. I interpreted what she said as being negative and I wrote about it in my blog. She read the blog and left a comment. I called her the next day and had a really good conversation. She was very supportive of our work and I really enjoyed speaking with her. She offered to help review event material for me when I needed it. It really helps to have someone with expertise in that field to review our material.

Well, I am going to go eat grapefruit. I ran out of grapefruit for a few days, so I couldn't get my nightly fix. I have a bit of a cold, so I really need my grapefruit tonight! I'm kind of craving cheese and stuffed grapeleaves as well, but that definitely doesn't go with grapefruit. Anyways, I'm starting on a food tanget, so I should stop and eat, write my list, finish my grant review and go to bed- ah, such an exciting plan! Until tomorrow friends..

Updates

Blogging on a Sunday night- I don't think I've done that in a while. So what's new? Well, I'm battling an earache and feeling kind of crummy, so I'm trying to disrtact myself by blogging. On Friday, I started working on getting auction items for our Anniversary Celebration. I have to work on the date auction too, but didn't get to it on Friday. I'd actually been really nervous about working on getting auction items, I was afraid that I would only get rejections because of the economic situation. I was pleasantly surprised when I ended the day with commitments from two businesses for donations. It really helps to start on a good note. It's funny, but working on obtaining auction items actually gets addictive. There is a certain thrill to the constant hunt and there is a high that comes when you score an item. Of course, it isn't always fun- there's a lot of rejection, a lot of constant follow up, particularly with people that promise items then don't deliver, but the hunt gets addictive. Sometimes, I'll start working on getting auction items and I'll only plan to do it for an hour, but three hours later I'm stil working on it.

There is so much else that I have to write about- there is a lot going on, but I'm not feeling so good and I'm stressing about something else, which is probably making me feel worse. Anyways, until tomorrow friends- when I will hopefully be back to full energy, forgotten about all the stupid things that are stressing me out and doing some absolutely phenomenal fundraising, grant work and everything else. Good night!