Thoughts

Today was a busy day, but there was one thing that has stayed in my mind. I had a meeting with the marketing director at a venue. She is familiar with Project Smile and I've met her before. She asked about PS today and I gave her a brief update- she told me how I must wake up every morning feeling so rewarded with what I do. She joked about how she thought her job was only about getting people to spend money and buy alcohol. I told her she was being way too harsh on herself. It's funny because I hear that all the time- people tell me how I must feel so rewarded because of my work. As I was driving home, I started to think about what I actually do feel when I wake up every morning. Considering I'm such a non-morning person, perhaps the best question is what I think before I go to bed. I feel so many different things, it is hard to tell. Rewarded isn't really one of them though. Perhaps when the day comes that PS is a national charity or- before that- one that has a much greater impact- then I will feel rewarded (and rather relieved too). I've always loved Project Smile, there is no doubt about that. But my focus every morning, every night is on what we need to get done and frequently I get stressed about everything that I haven't gotten to during the course of a day. I rarely ever think of PS in terms of the good work that we do. My only focus is having PS grow. Sometimes, I do take a minute and think of how far we've come, but that is usually in the context of planning where we need to go. I can tell you that I do feel lucky quite a lot. When I hear friends talk about wretched coworkers and bosses, I feel very lucky for being my own boss and when I hear others talk about being afraid that they'll be laid off- I feel lucky that I don't have to worry about that. My financial stresses are great, but I don't have to worry about walking into work one day and finding myself jobless. I'm also lucky in that I have flexibility in my daily schedule. I'm also lucky to have a job I love, some of the happiest moments in my life have been because of Project Smile. So I think that's how I feel- not rewarded, but lucky. I know that some people don't believe in luck- they say that it is all self created and the product of hard work. I don't know about that- plenty of people work hard and don't get anywhere. I do work hard and I've been lucky in that I am getting somewhere. There were plenty of breaks that didn't necessarily have to go my way. It is flattering when people tell you how they wish they could have a job like mine. I don't know how many of them are serious of course, but it is always nice to hear.

Anyways friends, that's all for tonight. I'm feeling rather lousy and a little achy and tired (I slept badly last night which is highly unusual). I hope I'm not getting sick- I know I've been saying the same thing for over a week. I probably should have gone to bed earlier. I do have lots of other interesting things to write about, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Good night friends...