So today was one of those completely forgettable days. I had a ton of work to do and didn't get very much accomplished, it was a pretty bad day. So what was the problem? I don't really know- I just felt very overwhelmed and stressed. It didn't help when I opened our most recent bank statement and saw in black and white how much money (how little to be exact) we raised last month. Now, to be fair, I hadn't submitted any grants or hosted events, so it wasn't unexpected. However, it is still jarring to look at the numbers and it made me feel very anxious.
However, today is over and tomorrow will be better. How do I know? Because I will follow my list (I forgot to write one last night and it always helps keep me focused) and also, tomorrow is April 15, which is my grandfather's birthday and it is a day that means a lot to me. My grandfather has been gone for 14 years- I was 14 when he died. He was one of the best men that I have ever known and I miss him just as much today as I did all those years ago. He was always afraid that we (my sibs and I) would forget him, and if I could tell him just one thing, it would be that I never forgot him. I may not remember all the stuff we did (I remember a lot though), but I remember how he loved me unconditionally and how happy I always was with him. I don't know if he knew how much I adore him, I hope that he did. One of my favorite photos is from when I was about 4 years old, I was dressed in a fancy dress and I'm holding a cracker or something and I'm standing next to Jimmy, looking up at him and he's looking at me- I have the biggest, happiest grin on my face and that photo just sums up how I felt about him. Jimmy had that photo glued on a piece of cardboard- I saw it for the first time years after he had died when we went through his stuff. So, I like to think that he did know how much he meant to me.
I know I am digressing from Project Smile tonight, I'm sorry for that. I promise tomorrow I will have more productive things to write about! There are actually good things going on as well. Days like this don't happen too often, but I am feeling better about things tonight and will go and write my very extensive list for tomorrow. So until tomorrow...
P.S. Feel free to leave comments- it is always great to know that someone is reading!