Woe

Its 1am and I should be in bed, not starting to write my blog. I just got home a little while ago. I'm really struggling with work. I should be happy because there are other things in my life that are really fun and going well, but things are tough with work and I don't know how to fix it. I seem to have run into a roadblock in terms of fundraising and it is causing a great deal of stress. We have money going out on a regular base and a insufficient amount coming in right now. I know that in terms of what other businesses and individuals are going through, I really shouldn't be complaining. However, this isn't really a comparison game- the fact remains that we are not raising enough money right now. I'm so anxious and can't seem to focus and I feel like I'm moving at snail's pace. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything these past two days and it makes me want to cry. I have these big visions of where we need to be, what we should be accomplishing and right now, we're not there. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or if things are just really that tough right now in terms of fundraising. I wish that it was something that I was doing wrong, that way I could fix it and things would improve. I do know that I need to be more aggressive- find new companies, new sponsors. Our two events are so awesome that it doesn't seem like it should be so hard to get financial support.

I'm so behind on things this week, it isn't even funny. Part of me wants to take a day off, relax and regroup, but then I need all the time I can get to really work on things and be productive. I know I'm in panic mode tonight and that nothing beneficial is going to come of this. I haven't exercised yesterday or today and that doesn't help the situation. I haven't even written my list. Things started to head really south on Friday- I was already feeling stressed, but then I went to the bank to deposit a few small checks and got a bit of a shock when I looked at our balance. I don't know why it was so shocking, I always know approximately how much money we have in the bank, but there is something about seeing it in black and white in your cold little hand that is shocking. It sent me into mini meltdown mode and I haven't gotten back on track.

I do need to stop and focus on the good things that are going on- we have six months of our calendar committed to, we are getting really cool auction items for both events, we are halfway to the amount of gift certificates needed for the date auction, we now work with 146 police/fire departments, we have bachelors/ettes already signing up, and so on- there is a lot of good stuff happening. But that is really hard to keep in mind when there is so much pressure to raise money and I'm not producing.

Well, I should go to sleep. I don't know what to do about tomorrow- taking the day off could be a good idea, I do feel like I need a little bit of time away to refocus. However, taking a break when things are down is not a good thing. Remember that old saying about when you fall off a horse, you need to get right back on immediately. Well, I feel like I've fallen off my work horse, so tomorrow I need to dig deep and get back on. I don't think that taking the day off will actually help me feel any better. Perhaps I will have a leisurely breakfast instead. I usually eat breakfast while I'm working, so it might be nice tomorrow to have an egg, warm tomato, ham, cream cheese and French roll with my tea and read the paper for a little, then start working. And of course, making sure I exercise first. I think this sounds like a good plan- actually feel like making that right now. I'm actually starting to feel a bit better now- it helps to come up with a plan- even if it is a pretty simple plan. Tomorrow will be a better day and I am leaving these two miserable work days behind.

I'm really glad I blogged- I was feeling so miserable about work, I wasn't even going to blog, but I didn't blog last night, so I wanted to make sure I wrote something tonight and this has helped me relax. Until tomorrow friends..