Holding On

So what's new? It is tough going tonight. I was preparing for our board meeting tomorrow night and looking over our finances. There weren't any new revelations, but there is something jarring about looking at the figures in black/white. The first half of our year usually is slow in fundraising, so this is not unusual. However, this is particularly slow. I don't want to keep harping on our financial situation- given the state that many other businesses are in, it could be a heck of a lot worse and the fact is that we are paying all our bills and staying afloat, so that in itself is good news. The most important thing right now is to hold on and keep doing our work. I try to keep in mind that if we can make it through these lean times, there is nothing we can't survive. This month marks five years that I have been working on PS full time. Most small businesses don't last 5 years, so just the fact that we're still here, still chugging along, still growing, is something that I'm proud of. 75% of all nonprofits raise less than $20k in revenue annually- we crossed that line in 2005- our first year of full time fundraising. Many times I focus on all the things that aren't going well- I don't talk about it much because it is important to always appear positive, but I'm always caught up with the long list of things that need improvement. The lows that come with this job and the constant pressure that comes with running a business are really tough to deal with sometimes. On the flip side- when things are going well, the high is addictive. There is so little that compares with the thrill, the rush, that feeling of accomplishment that comes when things going well. There are no words to describe how good it feels. It's funny, I hate roller coasters with a passion, but my job is one constant roller coaster.

There is so much that I don't understand. I don't understand why people tell you, unprompted, what they think you want to hear. I don't understand why people say things, then, just a short time later, act like they never said it. I don't understand how someone you consider a friend can disappoint you in such a way that it leaves you reeling in shock and hurt. Maybe I should understand it, I've seen enough people act in horrible ways, perhaps it shouldn't be so surprising. But it is still surprising. I don't think I expect too much from people- just to be treated with respect- that's basically what it all comes down to. Because when you respect someone, you treat them well and you don't lie to them or play them for a fool.

Anyways, it is 2am. I should have been in bed an hour ago. There are lots of other things that I wanted to write about tonight, but now I need to sleep. Tomorrow, I'm donating to DCF again, then our board meeting in the evening. I did a donation to Melrose PD today. Well, I'm off to write my list, then bed.